Not the end, but to be Continued

kind of sensed it, but didn't expect to see this coming at all.
Perhaps coz i am an optimist


I still want to keep it going.
I need to try harder and harder to make it happen.


Life
Balance point, we all struggle to reach it.
vaguely dancing in between of
spontaneously-wild actions and Well-planed-rational actions.

Yes, I love it, but give-in is another story, which has not been my biggest strength.
Yep and Discipline, and Proactive, and .....

Truth is, without making 200% efforts, we are going no where.

An ending = A New Beginning.
Lets make it a Breaking point, shall we.

RESET

Frankly speaking,

I need to "RESET". Otherwise, I feel everything had been so scattered around. I need to focus, Reform, work it, make it MINE n SHINE. 

Yep.

It's time to Reset and Work, Work, Work Work Wooooork. 

When I write a diary entry

I only write when Im very emotional.
Which would be when Im upset.
I just realized my blog had been quite dark and all the same about how upset i was.
Either over my husband or still my husband.
Haha.
Welcome to married life.

i wont go getting tired of you, will I not

"Awww, it hurts!!!!"  I can feel my bottom lip is getting swollen by a "playful" bite from Mac-the-dog.
Again, woke up by Mac-the-dog this morning, thank you Mac for being such an early bird. It's very difficult to ignore him, he kept using his cute paws to tap my arm and smack my face (LOL).

10:21am Mac-the-dog was not too cooperating this morning when I took him out with a bike.
He just wanted to go on his own way or stopped whenever he felt like, almost got me tumbled many times. It was a real hassle, my original plan was to take him out for some decent amt of exercise and aiming to burn him out, but turns out, I am the one who's exhausted to hell.

And there is just a weird vibe/tension between me and my husband.
I don't know why, and it upsets me. I can smell it from the air, there is something wrong. Hate this. I don't know why he's doing this to me. I just got back from New York, i was exhausted from the business trip already, and now he has to be an ass*ole to me. What the f. I know he somehow managed to get his back injured, but what do I have to do with this? Give me a break.

And not to mention, yesterday, of course I've been sleeping thru out the day due to jet lag and my period, and he had to give me an attitude about this, srly, give me a f break. I just got back 2 days ago, and Im 32, not 23 when I physically didnt know what "jet lag" was. I had to listen to his non-sense of how lazy i was. F you.

And he decided to give Mac-the-dog a shower, and then blaming on me for not helping him out. Excuse me, I was sleeping the whole time, i dont know why on earth out of no where you had the urge to give him a shower when we already agreed on taking him to shower in 2 days.
AND here comes the most ridiculous part, MY HUSBAND, HE HAD THE BALLS TO f* EAT MY PIZZA, THE WHOLE F THING WHILE I WAS ASLEEP. DID NOT LEFT ME A PIECE, NOPE, NOT ONE SLIDE, NOT EVEN A BITE. Who the F does that?
When I woke up, I realized he not only ate his own pizza, but also finished mine. i just wanted to tear him apart, or grab him head to smash right onto the wall.
and all he said was "I thought u were not gonna wake up tonight." Not even an apology.
F you.

Sad, really.
Listening to " Tired of you" by Foo Fighter.
Srly I am so fed up with your BS.

Breathless

I feel I can't breathe well

What am I feared of?

What I feared was how Wonderful things could turn out so ugly and unfamiliar?

What I saw and what I felt was so unbelievably harmful, why? 

Why now? Why all of the sudden?

What did I do?

Why does he turn out to be like this?

Cold and mean

I don't know if he's the same person I fell in love with anymore. 

I am so tired of wondering

I am so sick of saying any word 

So tired

And awful

Beyond Longlyness, it's disappointing.

Like a trash

That's it

Like a trash

All I saw was his back walking towards outside 

And until his back was completely out of my sight 

I realized I needed to carry my belongings with me to the lift

That's it

Without a good bye.

What do I expect, welcome to the life.

I couldn't help but wonder

What exactly had I done to deserve this?

To be treated like a trash.

I thought I gave it all in, and showed the real me, I thought that's it. This gotta b the happy ending. 

Yeh, That's it. Like that.

Not even enough time or logic for me to figure, and that's it.

At This very moment ,Only my belongings were left right besides me. That's it. 

It's not a happy ending, but an unexpected one. 

So what? YEs what? no what?

不知道
還是很害怕  說不在乎是騙自己的
可是這就是人生
不討人喜歡又怎樣
at least i tried at least thats whom i am
Being naked is never my thing, i mean mentally, surely neither physically
but yeh i tend to protect what i truly love or treasure ever since i was a little kid
it's a if you do then, you do it, if you don't, then f it.

i am scared of judgement because i am a judgemental person
OMG im sick of deny deny deny
living in my own world

Just do it.