思考錯誤

 最近讀了兩本書, feeling very empowered and inspired. 

Maye Musk 真的很厲害 我想要當像她一樣的女性  獨立誠實  優雅時尚 勤奮努力 勇往直前

她能勇敢離婚帶著三個幼子離開 窮困的扶養他們  還能拿進修並自宅創業  她不幸的一切 讓我覺得自己已經很幸運 她帶給我勇氣與信心 我沒有什麼可以抱怨的  積極勤奮努力 是我需要現在開始做的  為自己的人生和興趣奮鬥   Maye Musk 真是個偉大的女性 she's my new idol. 

想想我之前還在自怨自艾 煩惱沒有Helper等  真的是太慚愧了  我還有個健全的婚姻  老公雖然有時很欠揍, 但整體來說還能接受 最近他也改變很多  (Thank God). 

*還有我要努力開始  抬頭挺胸 及 健康少量高纖多餐😌

另外

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*CK

讓我感覺不舒服的Why Questions, 應該更努力去dig more, to understand what the real issue underlying. And what if, my perspective was wrong all along? 覺得失敗的部分  很有可能是自己的思考方向錯誤, 有可能根本不是這樣, 是自己的迷思和沒自信 這讓我開始重新思考很多事情及帶給我更大的勇氣 去面對會讓我不舒服的事情 it's deeper and relate to my so -called "failure" 去了解自己的內心想法, 勇敢面對, 訂定計畫 改變心態 勇於解決問題 

我自己

昨晚, 我嗅到恐懼
哀傷蔓延
只因為, 書中的一句話, "妳真切努力過, 妳活的問心無愧. 這就是妳." (摘自安.摩根的小說"我不是我自己").


空白



讓我可以奮不顧身的努力, 投入真心認真, 不斷的付出,  不計後果, 不間斷瘋狂持續的,
是什麼

是什麼
i would and will always end up go back to

是
什
麼
?


我為我自己
感到羞恥
為不夠在乎半調子的自己
難過
我
對不起自己
我用"不在乎"及"謊言"來埋沒真實的自我
我的膽怯, 懦弱
把事情複雜化,用酒精找快樂


我只想知道
現在
什麼事, 我真的在乎到可以
忘我

不計較只付出
不害怕結果
熱切迫切的投入, 把它做到最好
只在乎這件事到不在乎丟臉

有一天
不久的將來,
我會自信滿足地說"我真切努力過, 我活得問心無愧, 這就是我".

Thin Line

last night, got a thin line of paper cut on my thumb when I tried to open up the beer at dinner with colleagues
Excited, Pressed, Pressed, and bursted it out, and stayed silent

Today
Kept feeling impatient during the weekly meeting
WHY
What t F
this is going the other way around
I understand the inventory pressure, but this is not how it runs.
We can't burry our heads to play heavier discount game, Come on.

I just got a bit pissed. Srly, I was.
We should be the ones to evaluate and determine the rights and wrongs, can't just follow the orders carelessly, of course not.
DO THE RIGHT THING.
In the long run, this is healthier.
Don't ruin it at the very ground. Look at the Long Run.
Geez.
Don't focus on the short term profit, we need to build it up with a solid ground.
If we don't have a solid base/ set rules straight, it will be a f disaster in the end.

Okay That is THAT.
Enough of this topic. Complaint is not going to bring me anywhere.  I will need to solve this crisis.

I think it's just Lack of Ground Rules/ Strict Deadline/ Complete follow through really bothers the shit out of me.
I need to change this.
Challenge.
and I am Ready for it.

Not the end, but to be Continued

kind of sensed it, but didn't expect to see this coming at all.
Perhaps coz i am an optimist


I still want to keep it going.
I need to try harder and harder to make it happen.


Life
Balance point, we all struggle to reach it.
vaguely dancing in between of
spontaneously-wild actions and Well-planed-rational actions.

Yes, I love it, but give-in is another story, which has not been my biggest strength.
Yep and Discipline, and Proactive, and .....

Truth is, without making 200% efforts, we are going no where.

An ending = A New Beginning.
Lets make it a Breaking point, shall we.

RESET

Frankly speaking,

I need to "RESET". Otherwise, I feel everything had been so scattered around. I need to focus, Reform, work it, make it MINE n SHINE. 

Yep.

It's time to Reset and Work, Work, Work Work Wooooork. 

When I write a diary entry

I only write when Im very emotional.
Which would be when Im upset.
I just realized my blog had been quite dark and all the same about how upset i was.
Either over my husband or still my husband.
Haha.
Welcome to married life.

i wont go getting tired of you, will I not

"Awww, it hurts!!!!"  I can feel my bottom lip is getting swollen by a "playful" bite from Mac-the-dog.
Again, woke up by Mac-the-dog this morning, thank you Mac for being such an early bird. It's very difficult to ignore him, he kept using his cute paws to tap my arm and smack my face (LOL).

10:21am Mac-the-dog was not too cooperating this morning when I took him out with a bike.
He just wanted to go on his own way or stopped whenever he felt like, almost got me tumbled many times. It was a real hassle, my original plan was to take him out for some decent amt of exercise and aiming to burn him out, but turns out, I am the one who's exhausted to hell.

And there is just a weird vibe/tension between me and my husband.
I don't know why, and it upsets me. I can smell it from the air, there is something wrong. Hate this. I don't know why he's doing this to me. I just got back from New York, i was exhausted from the business trip already, and now he has to be an ass*ole to me. What the f. I know he somehow managed to get his back injured, but what do I have to do with this? Give me a break.

And not to mention, yesterday, of course I've been sleeping thru out the day due to jet lag and my period, and he had to give me an attitude about this, srly, give me a f break. I just got back 2 days ago, and Im 32, not 23 when I physically didnt know what "jet lag" was. I had to listen to his non-sense of how lazy i was. F you.

And he decided to give Mac-the-dog a shower, and then blaming on me for not helping him out. Excuse me, I was sleeping the whole time, i dont know why on earth out of no where you had the urge to give him a shower when we already agreed on taking him to shower in 2 days.
AND here comes the most ridiculous part, MY HUSBAND, HE HAD THE BALLS TO f* EAT MY PIZZA, THE WHOLE F THING WHILE I WAS ASLEEP. DID NOT LEFT ME A PIECE, NOPE, NOT ONE SLIDE, NOT EVEN A BITE. Who the F does that?
When I woke up, I realized he not only ate his own pizza, but also finished mine. i just wanted to tear him apart, or grab him head to smash right onto the wall.
and all he said was "I thought u were not gonna wake up tonight." Not even an apology.
F you.

Sad, really.
Listening to " Tired of you" by Foo Fighter.
Srly I am so fed up with your BS.