here and there

dont know if me being cranky has to do with anything
it may just being a headup for my upcoming period
or another sign to show the fact that im still not quite capable of dealing with pressure
i will soon be 25 years old, and it feels like...
have i done everything to be able to say, yehhh, ive been there, and done all that?
總覺得有種喘不過氣的感覺
以前到現在追求的還是一樣嗎
尚未準備好 卻必須面對時間的緊迫逼人
感到手足無措 是因為對未來的不確定 還是對現在的不安份
或許我所需要的是抓住一個中間值
想要什麼 似乎也不是考慮的重點了
如果人生變得只容許選擇需要
那有什麼意義
還是這是我終於看清現實的一種妥協
但妥協 不是我
我喜歡自由自在的逆向前進

突然想起媽咪上個月對我血拼後不滿說的
"買東西不能什麼都想要 買需要的比較實際
現在想要 以後都變垃圾"
到了25歲
我還是跟五年前一樣 被念一樣的

但我心裡想
我追求的是感官上一時的快感
垃圾不垃圾 不是我考慮的重點

我逃避大人似的思考
因為
我討厭做出rational的決定 壓抑自我irrational的慾望所帶來的刺激快樂

and i cant agree more with what T told me last night
"You get to do whatever you like coz you got nothing to lose."
我總是想追求另一個階段的突破
自我和生活上

當我發現越長越大 生活越平靜無聊大家越把他歸類為 平凡的幸福
憑什麼 i dont buy that.

I guess i just figured my philosophy, just like how i shop
Price could be an issue, but what i concern of is if i am able to be the buyer/ winning bidder
give me all the funs, and when it becomes another trash i am tired of
i will kick it away without any second thought.
Surely, nothing could last, that's what i hope to see
it applies to not only an object but all the other else.