F u all

I would rather remain naive

Srly u r not worthy for me to do all the pretending n gaming

It's your f loss 

Haha we will see

I have my deadline 

I will not compromise 

Just be myself

i wanna feel reborn. 

Be confident and fearless. 

because i know i am capable of. 

i dont want to lie, delude, or convince myself into something not desirable. 

I think that was the last straw.

an honest statement from him,  exactly what i need to draw an end to this. 

I don't regret to any decision i made Ever. 

I act as how i feel. 

Lonely

The speech of his at Red Sky is still on my mind, that night silence was the only response I could manage to have.

Disappointment filled up n I could not think of anything else but feeling hurt.

I'm happy that he's being honest with me, and I know those flaw behaviors of mine ages ago. 

Anyways I guess my point is that I am whom I am and I feel what I feel, if being with someone needs to suppress my own feelings and act as something else, there is really no point to be together.

What is the point to be together if you can't be honest to yourself, act as who you are, and just be transparent without masking yourself. Seriously, already enough masking, faking, n suppressing in life.

I want to be with someone who doesn't ask me to change my character, who could take n accept me as who I am.

BKK vacation

Our 5 days Vacation in BKK is over. It was fun n exhausting. Food is great, drink is cheap, and got some lovely jewelry and loads of snack. 

I wouldn't say it was a perfect vacation that enriches our bonding considering of couple fights n awkwardly silent moments in between. Yet It definitely makes both to wonder if .....

a week after Paris

The inflammation of the inner mouth reminded me the ongoing anxiety caused by the depression
The urge of having a mouthful of cakes over endless glasses of wine simply is indeed the sign of suppressing the depression.
trying to spot the cause of the depression, the drive of self-changing and long vacation? the failure of the jewelry making engagement? the terrible shape of my figure? the faded passion for current relationship? the loneliness of having no one to speak of my pain? the dark prospect of my future and career?
I need to restructure the outcome of my life and reset myself.
haven't figured exactly how in details, but it simply has to be done.
I simply have to.

emotionally unavailable

Probably just maybe
i've been through too much high-high and low-low for not-really-love-but-more-like-crush type of affairs.
Im just so fed up with love now.
What exactly is love to me?
What exactly is love doing good to me?
Excitement, something keep me hyper.
Something makes life starting to become enjoyable.


So cheers to those brought-me-to-heaven-n-push-me-down-to-earth affairs, in the name of so-called LoVe.

Tryyy

It's been a little more than a year.
So here i am,
sipping white wine in my room, so familiar as always like a daily routine back in New York,
the only difference is this time...

• i am in Taipei, Taiwan- A city I had been craving for, and i have been living here for more than a year.
• My relationship status is Single- A status i did not specifically dreamed for but i'd enjoyed for a solid year, and now it has become my major concern.
• I am an Assistant Buyer at a high end fashion select shop- A full time job with the title that I could ever dreamed of

Many things have changed, new faces, new environment, new pretty much bloody everything.

Frankly speaking, i've been trying or not
to live on with my own life.
Regardless how difficult it is.